This is such an individual and personal decision. Society seems to think only children are somehow a bad thing but in reality, just about every only child I know has turned out to be a remarkable adult. I have two cousins who are only children, and both turned out to be well-balanced, upright citizens. I think they are fairly well-adjusted, non-narcissistic, non ego-maniacal, thoughtful and caring people. I point all of this out not just to pat myself on the back — although it feels nice — but because these are some of the many qualities I’ve been warned about when I say that we might just have one child.

At this point we’re not planning on having another child. I never say never for anything in life — having learned enough lessons — but it’s not in the short-term or long-term plans and time is not our friend since I am turning 40 and Andre, 45.

When people ask me when we’re having another (and I’ve noticed that it’s almost always “when” and not “if”) I say that we might just be done with one. This is usually greeted with utter surprise or treated as a joke. “No way, really?!” But a few times in the past year when I said that we’re likely having only one child, what I heard back wasn’t just surprise, but judgment, and harsh one at that.

My Gyne asked me what our plans were for more kids. I said that I wasn’t sure we had those plans to which he responded by telling me about all the benefits kids gain when they have siblings and the difficult only children that he knows. Mind you, how this had relevance for my pap smear I don’t know. Then there was a mom I’d met at a social event. After I told her that maybe one is it for us, she proceeded to tell me about a friend she has with one child who constantly tells her how much she regrets it.

I try not to let what strangers say get to me too much but to be honest, I am getting really sick of this. Why is it such a crime to only have one child and why in the world is it anyone’s business to talk to me about my family’s size? Having one and juggling not just our careers and interests, but our own relationship, has been very challenging.

The thing is, while we think we will only have one, I was extremely conflicted about the decision. Having a sibling could definitely benefit our daughter, now and later in life, and I sometimes feel guilty about not giving her a sibling. Having more than one kid would reduce the chance that we become over-bearing parents who put too much pressure on her. Hey, it might even be good for me because it could cause just enough chaos to force me to give up my anal-retentive planning and perfectionist tendencies once and for all.

But it shouldn’t matter. It’s nobody’s business to question the number of kids my husband and I will have or to tell me horror stories about families with only children. Just like it’s nobody’s business to question why I work or why another mom stays home full time, why I breastfed for only 3 weeks or why my friend didn’t do it at all. These are extremely personal choices and I really wish everyone else would butt out.

Why is it their business? I swear I wanted to tell one particular nosy body a made up story - "We'd love to have more but I am BARREN. Thanks for REMINDING us." Or maybe make up some fake story about penis cancer or “Our child is so incredibly perfect, we didn't think we could repeat that, so we're getting a dog/houseplant/llama." Or just be all bewildered: "My gosh! Why on earth would you ask that?"

My resent response to the idiots who persist in trying to save my only child from a life of misery at my hands is more civil and less sarcastic: “I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable with my decision, but I'm not." I am amazed at how insensitive people are. And - our daughter is an outgoing, friendly, and generally happy kid.

My decision does not mean that I do not like children (Hell, children is how I make a living!) or that I do not madly love our daughter. But as a loving mother, I recognize that I have limits. And there is something to be said for being able to concentrate your attention on just one child...not to mention paying school & tertiary education fees only once!

I don't want to put that strain on my life and my marriage. I have one child. She's a great, beautiful gift that I never expected to receive. I know she wants a sibling--she's asked for one, several times, provoked by the bulging bellies of her friends' mothers and younger family members, --and I know that in many ways, she'd be better off in a larger family.

But then the higher brain functions take over and I do the math of money and hours--and I look at our friends--and I know that we can't and shouldn't do it. She deserves to have two parents who love each other, who get along, who have civic and intellectual lives outside of the family.

Many studies show that only children are no more self-centered or spoiled than others. Some studies suggest only kids tend to have closer, more affectionate relationships with their parents than kids from bigger families. Only children often develop better verbal skills and excel in school because they are read to more often than children with siblings. Only children also tend to have higher IQs, which researchers say may be because their parents have higher expectations for them and more time and money to give.

Perhaps our hearts aren't big enough. Maybe we're not tough enough. But I think three is enough.

My pregnancy had been a breeze, except for severe backace and high blood pressure.  That first visit to the gynae was the most heart-stopping.  Seeing our little bean, so tiny, so whole.  The heart beat, the movements, the shape…..all too precious.

By three months we both made up our minds that the birth would be an elective Caesar.  Those two words were going to prove to be something I would have to explain so many times over.  People would look at me and frown.  Or, on hearing my birth choice, would proceed to explain that “they do offer an epidural” or “ the pain really is tolerable” or  they would just look at me in silence and change the subject. You see, elective Caesar is taboo.

So why did I choose that route?  Firstly I’m a good sportswoman.  Hopefully I will remain so.  I am not afraid of pain, and as a sports person I am also acutely aware of my muscles – and that no amount of exercise is going to bring “that” muscle back into shape.  Am I wrong?  How would we women know?  So, yes, I want my muscles intact and my sex life the same as it was before.  I went through all the pros and cons with my gynae: safety of child and mother, risks involved, and the most important to me – if I chose not to have natural birth, would my child and I still bond?  The answers allowed me to happily go with my first choice,

And it seems, fate has a funny way of working.  Lisa lay in breech postion, so a Caesar would have been recommended anyway.  The birth was a wonderful and special occasion.  There is nothing about it that I would change.  Our daughter was born a healthy and happy child.  The bond I felt with her was instantaneous.  When she cried that first time, and then quieted to the sound of my voice, she stole my heart.  She lay on my chest and I looked at her pink little face, at the 10 fingers and 10 toes, at the “perfectness” of our child.

Did it make a difference that I had a Caesar?  No way.  And yes I have my body back.  That scar is healing great.  My tummy muscles are all in tact and flat.  I breastfed successfully and bonded completely.  Lisa is all I could want in a child.

6 June 2005, 4h07, 2.36kg, 52cm - Finally you have arrived!

I had the most wonderful ideas of being the perfect mom.  Our little girl, Lisa was born on 6 June 2005 and wow, has this been a life change.  Being a first time mom at 34, I now understand the meaning of the luxury of five hours uninterrupted sleep, eating a hot meal or cup of coffee, watching a movie.  Having a cell phone ring or standing on a squeaky toy when you have just put her to sleep, has a whole new meaning, or being so tired, you can’t remember if you put three or four scoops of formula into her bottle at 1 am.

I have learnt not to make things more complicated than they have to be.  I have learnt patience when things don’t seem to be going right, that it is OK to have the nappy bag, the play gym and a few toys lying around.  I have learnt that this is all part of being a mom.

I have learnt that time is precious.  When I leave her for a few hours with someone else I come back, drop everything and spend precious time with her playing, singing, laughing, going for walks and then bathing and feeding.  I have learned that dishes can stand and laudry can wait.  It is part of being a family and that is what life is all about.

If you want a perfect looking home, you will not be the almost perfect mom that you can be!